son of a preacher man
November 5, 2009, 11:13 pm
Filed under: Stuff | Tags: , , , ,

ace-ventura04i’m not the preaching type. i tend to ramble. get confused. make fart jokes.
i preached one time a few months back, and after a lady told me i should take public speaking lessons. in the famous words of ace ventura: pet detective…ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLRRRRIGHTY THEN! picture me talking with my bum cheeks (wait…did i really just tell you to do that? i’m sorry for those that actually got a mental picture) and you have a clear picture of ace ventura. funny fact, i also do that during sermons. another reason i need public speaking lessons. but even though i enjoy speaking about things that i care about to other people, i often feel the need to perfect it. to polish it. make it squeaky clean.

i remember my first chapel talk. i was in grade 11. i was a drugged up stoner. but for some reason they gave me a date and time and handed me the microphone. i wasn’t sure what to say because i didn’t really know anything about God, and what i did know i wasn’t sure i believed. so i talked about racism. i had just heard of this band called “PROPAGANDHI”, which would be the antichrist of bands. they dislike christianity intensely. but they taught me that racism was bad. so i shared that message. and when thinking about that talk, i’ve always said that it wasn’t really a chapel talk because it didn’t have anything to do with God. but i think i was closer to the heart of God there then in some more recent talks i’ve done. here’s what i mean.

lately, with a crazy schedule and deadlines bearing down on me, there is some class to teach or bible lesson to give where i feel pressed for time. and i’ve gotten pretty good at just winging it. i go in, ask a few questions, make a couple confessions. badda bing, badda boom. done and done. i don’t know about that. i feel like i am using God to make a living when i do that. because i work in a church, and it’s very simple when your in church culture to just say the right things. make the right hand gestures. stand at the right times. and so i’ve grown accustomed to cheating on God in this way. because i’m not really there. i’m somewhere else. i’m already thinking days ahead. and that isn’t okay. because people deserve more than that. God deserves more than that. and so i think back to that chapel talk about racism. i wasn’t really a christian at the time, but i do believe God was more supportive of that sloppy bit of honesty than he is with my smooth and polished bull. and i do believe that God loves truth. even when spoken by bands like PROPAGANDHI, more than he loves someone professing his name with a phony grin and fake interior who knows how to say the right words. and i am learning that as someone who is passionate about social justice. sometimes i don’t want to talk about it because, honestly, i feel as if that’s all i really talk about. and i don’t want to be preachy. i don’t want to step on toes. so it’s easier to just let opportunities slide. it’s easy to just sit on the sidelines while injustice speeds past you. but i’m tired of that. i have lost my passion that i once held so close to my heart. part of the reason is because i have become so accustomed to saying the right words, polished talk, with no heart behind it. and i’ve lost what i once loved. but i won’t let that happen. not this time. because that is God. a guy named Jim Wallis once cut out all the passages in the bible that dealt with poverty and serving the poor and oppressed. it left a pretty empty bible. and he accused Christians of doing this on a regular basis. that was 30 years ago. not much has changed. small steps have been taken. but not enough. and i need my passion back. i need to preach with everything i have, regardless of how messy it is.

there’s something about being raw and honest that makes you feel more alive. when we fake it, a piece of ourselves die. i have faked a lot over the years. my parents didn’t know i did drugs until i was in grade 11, 2 years after i had started. every once in a while you meet someone who is just so brutally honest about who they are that we take a step back and freak out a bit. “i didn’t want you to be THAT honest.” it’s foreign to us. like my little girl telling me she doesn’t want me to tuck her in, she wants mommy. if she knew adult speak, she would let me down gently with an excuse for needing to talk to mommy about her income tax return. something like that. i’m getting tired of being phony.

so forget about polished appearances and be honest for once. follow your heart and be true to what you know. yes, i’m talking to myself.


1 Comment so far
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Hey man. Nice one. I can identify with a lot of this, especially in my last year of ministry. Sometimes the restlessness is selfishness and laziness, sometimes though its something more and can be worth a listen.

Comment by jaclose

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