the mysterious ninja
September 19, 2009, 5:54 am
Filed under: Stuff | Tags: , , , , ,

i’ve always been a big talker. before i know it, something will be out of my mouth that i immediately regret. but for some reason i keep repeating this mistake. i think it started in kindergarten.

in the middle of my kindergarten year, my parents picked up and moved to another part of town. it meant i had to switch schools mid-way through the year. and i don’t mean the “mid-way” we invented one year in the boys dorm…you know what i’m talking about, former boys dorm residents. ask jeremy. (sorry, i know inside jokes are lame, but i’ve made one too many poop jokes on this blog already). on my last day before we moved, two older boys were making fun of me on the bus ride home. they didn’t know i was leaving, and so i did what any normal kindergarten child would do. i threatened their lives. i told them i was a double black belt in karate, and i would beat them up if they didn’t leave me alone. they kind of laughed, unsure if i was telling the truth. they asked me to prove it, but i obviously couldn’t on a bus (lucky for me…). so they told me that the next day at the bus stop i would show them my sweet karate moves. i told them they wouldn’t know what hit them, or some other cheesy movie quote i stole. obviously, that never happened because we moved and i never saw them again. i like to think that they thought i mysteriously disappeared, like a great warrior ninja that haunts their dreams to this day. 

i’m pretty sure that’s where it started, though. my big mouth. i’ve always thought that people with big mouths were so annoying. when you play sports and there’s that guy that’s talking trash to you…you just want to punch them. unless your winning of course, then i would usually be that guy. i don’t want to paint myself as the most obnoxious guy ever. i don’t think i am. there’s terrell owens. chad ocho cinco. rush limbaugh. televangelists. mr. dressup (he knows what i’m talking about). but somewhere along the line, i’ve learned this infamous gift, the gift of writing checks you can’t cash. and i’m tired of it. there’s this line that gets repeated in scripture many times. it says “let my words be few”. in the book of James, he says to “keep a tight reign on your tongue”. i’m pretty sure the scriptural writers were thinking of me when they wrote those verses. because i always think i should have the last word. 

i love arguing. i’ll argue with anyone. i dare you to tell me you like george bush, the toronto maple leafs, or mint chocolate chip ice cream (that is disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself). i will give you ample evidence and spew resources to support my claims and why i’m the best and my opinion rules over all. i love it. until i meet someone who can fight back. there’s this talk show guy named John Gormley in my city that i love to hate. he’s an unashamed conservative talking head, and so often i curse him out as i listen to the radio. he’s no rush limbaugh, and so i don’t despise him all the time. only about half the time. the other half that i do like is when he invites vern reese (RIP) the antique expert or does his Rider Prognostications (Go Riders!). there was a time a few years ago where my job required me to drive about 15 minutes to work everyday, and so i would have a chance to hear his show. most days i would scream at the radio and shake my head in disgust. and so one day i decided i would call in. it didn’t matter what the topic du jour was, i was going to call and just let Gormley shove a cork in it. and so i called and waited on hold. i realized my heart was racing a little faster. i got kind of nervous, because i realized probably thousands of people would be listening to me debate a professional talker. and so i started to shake a little bit. and then i heard him call out my name. i’m pretty sure my voice cracked when i said hi. i don’t even remember the topic. i think it had something to do with whether a political party would win a by-election or not, and i was going to rip into him about his conservative bias and how he was trying to ruin democracy and destroy the world. but i just said hi. and he asked why i disagreed with him. and i couldn’t remember. in that moment, i lost the speech i had prepared in my mind. and instead said…

“i just don’t. you are wrong.” it was a titillating conversation to say the least. he mocked me and hung up.

thinking back on that, i don’t think our words always serve us very well. in my life, they have got me into more trouble than anything. you always wonder why lawyers advise their clients to not speak to the press in high profile cases. it’s partly because the lawyers don’t want the world to see what sleeze bags their clients are, but it’s also because our words often trap us. have you ever been caught in a lie? for me, the answer is…too many times to count. the more we speak, the less our words mean. i’ve always admired people who say little, because usually when they do speak, their words hold a power that i don’t understand. it’s like you’ve witnessed a rare gem that won’t be shared with many people. i know a few people like that, and they are a special breed. my pastor jason is one of them. you might wonder how a pastor might have few words to speak. they are paid to speak. but the reality is that jason chooses his words so carefully, that everything you hear is transforming and special. sorry jason, if that puts pressure on you. and my friend jeremy. you don’t say much, but i have learned so much from you over the years. but there are people like this. and i want to be more like that. like the mysterious ninja that haunts peoples dreams. that’s kind of like my pastor jason. the mysterious ninja. i bet if our church advertised that we had a mysterious ninja pastor, lots more people would come. i’ll raise that issue at the next church meeting. 


anyway, that was a bunch of random thoughts about words. my point is that we should choose our words carefully. words have power. power to hurt and destroy. power to heal and reconcile. power to teach. power to spread lies and gossip. how will we use the power of our words? will they be empty, or full? my words are often empty. i want to change that. i think maybe our world would be a better place if politicians and talking heads (media) chose their words more wisely. they think they already do, but really it’s mostly hot air with noise in the middle. but i can’t point the finger at them. i have to start with me. instead of making threats i know i can’t back up, i should be truthful about who i am and what i stand for. instead of spreading gossip about others, i should walk away when one slanders another. instead of reacting in anger, i should offer a word of peace. 

the truth is that words hold more power in destruction than they do to give life. they say that it takes 100 compliments and uplifting comments to undo 1 harsh insult. their are very few that use words for good. not all of us can write speeches like obama. but we can choose our words carefully, so we do more good than bad. so let’s talk less. spend more time in silence and thought. it might make for some awkward lunch dates, but at least you won’t poop out of your mouth. 

sorry…it wouldn’t be a blog by blair if i didn’t have one poop joke. seriously, ask jeremy olson what a mid-way is. 

i will get you someday, john gormley.


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Gormley is a knob.
Obama doesn’t write his own speeches.
Jeremy probably loves the mid-way..I don’t know what it is.

Comment by Nic

it’s funny because as you were talking about admiring people who say little, i thought of jerms..and then a few words later you mentioned him.
definitely the silent type but he’s oh so smart when he does share his thoughts.
i wish i wasn’t such a loud mouth either. at this point in my life i see it as an almost insurmountable task to train myself to shut up when i should.
arguing and being a negative nellie are two things i need to be more disciplined in working on. nurses do their fair share of gossiping and even though i’m still new to the whole nursing thing, i’ve already picked up some very rotten habits that do not make me feel good.
thanks for making me think about this some more.

i’ve got a pretty good idea what a mid-way is…
though it’s not in my poop book, i’m merely going on my vast knowledge of everything that is poop.
you should check out ‘what’s your poop telling you’.
it’s in my top 5 books ever written.

Comment by jess

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