stories of a failed holy man


ricky, ricky you’re so fine
September 6, 2009, 2:01 pm
Filed under: Stuff | Tags: , ,

it was a simpler time. men were men. they went to work, sweated drops of tears, and cried tears of sweat. women were women. they…did whatever women do. i’m still trying to figure that one out. watched rerun episodes of “friends”?

**spoiler alert** i can’t believe ross and rachel ended up together! who saw that coming?

n640561448_1267665_2098it was a time where going to concerts was what consumed our every waking moment. rain or shine, sleet or hail, snow or…cloudy…if there was a concert in town, we went to it. it was a time when we didn’t call them “concerts” at all, but rather “shows”. concerts were for the fancy yuppies drinking their starbuck’s with their real jobs. kind of like me, now. we went to shows. me, matty g, aaron of aragon, slippery pete, kryptonite kris, jerms, nic/nike…and a random assortment of others. but that was the crew. and there were few concerts we missed. there weren’t many that went to all the ones we did, but there was this one guy that was always there. it didn’t matter if it was the biggest band in the world or if it was the crappiest local band you’ve ever heard (i’m looking at you goodsampark. you weren’t good until you became today is the grave). he was always there. even when Global news did that embarrassing interview with MEANS about christian punk (we were so christian and oh so punk) and there were about 5 people at the show, they did an interview with a concert goer, and it was this same mystery man that we always saw and never knew. he was like a punk god to me. at every show, more dedicated than anyone i had ever known to the local punk rock scene. he towered above the rest, yet was younger than me. he drove a sweet abs suzuki swift with punk rock stickers on it. “sick of it all” was his band of choice, as you could often hear it in the stereo as he pulled away from shows. so we finally introduced ourselves to mr. ricky (richard) tiefenbach.

he came to hang out with us. we had never hung out with him before, so we did what we always had done. went to the east Tim Horton’s and had a rock fight. while it might seem quite obvious, it was an intricate game that matched wits and required strategy. actually, half of us went to one side of the parking lot while the other stayed, and we threw rocks at each other. on this night, we picked on jerms. he got separated from the group, and so we all threw rocks at him. we heard random yells and swear words from across the parking lot, but we kept throwing to our hearts content. at one point, we saw him dodge a rock and then collapse on the ground. we thought he was joking so we wouldn’t throw rocks anymore, so we did the natural thing. we kept throwing rocks. finally, the cries of pain sounded credible, so we went to check on him. he had injured his knee. later, we found out he tore him acl or mcl, or mri or brb or something like that. me and kris got the car and went to help him into the back seat. slippery pete and ricky kept visiting on the opposite side of Tim Horton’s parking lot. in all honesty, jeremy’s leg was probably not that bad…at first. but then me and kris got a bright idea, probably the best we ever had. not because of its brilliance. no, in fact it was probably one of our stupider moments. but it was the best idea we ever had because it will go down in legend as the funniest thing to ever happen. 

we sped towards peter and ricky. the speedometer picked up the pace and we must have been up to 80km/hour. pete and ricky saw us coming. there was no doubt about that. peter moved. ricky stayed put, leaning his shoulder into us, laughing at what he thought to be a car coming at him that would soon screech to a halt. but it didn’t. instead, the impact brought ricky flying through the windshield. it was then that the brakes were used. it was then that ricky flew forward from the impact and did about 20 barrel rolls forward on the concrete. and i’m pretty sure it was then that jeremy’s knee really got hurt. shattered glass was all over me and kris in the front seat. in the back, jerms was moaning in the pain of a busted up knee that had been jarred around more than it should have. peter was standing outside with his mouth open, in shock with the video camera at his side. sadly, it had not been turned on. silence enveloped us. no one dared to speak a word. all we could hear was jerms moaning in the back seat. and then i saw ricky stand up. i couldn’t help it. i started laughing. i stifled it at first, trying to keep it quiet as possible. no one else was, so i thought they would be mad if they heard me. but i couldn’t help it. and my stifled laugh quickly became a gut wrenching laugh that i could not contain. still, no one laughed. i might have got a nervous chuckle from someone. ricky had only scrapes and bruises, which is pretty amazing. jerms was in too much pain to know why it was funny (what a baby!). kris wasn’t sure what to think. peter just stood there, unsure of what to do. and i laughed. we drove home after that. i still have this picture of kris driving home with his head out the driver side window, so he could actually see the road. something about hitting somebody with a car tends to end your evening plans. i’m not sure why…

i don’t know why i laughed. the normal reaction would have been to get out of the car, and check on ricky. or to tend to jeremy with his busted knee in the back. but i just laughed. processing the events of the night in my head made it impossible not to. we met some guy at a concert who came to hang out with us for the first time. we took him to a rock fight. then we hit him with a car. you would think that would prevent him from hanging out with us anymore. but for some reason, he came back for more. ricky became a great friend. jerms knee has never been the same, but he can still kill me in soccer and tennis, so it’s not like we completely ruined him. kris now thinks its funny to hit people with cars, so watch out if you see him coming. peter is glad that he moved. i am still laughing about twice a week whenever i think about this moment. everyone involved now laughs, even though at the moment it was ridiculously inappropriate. which is a good way to describe me, ridiculously inappropriate. 

the moral of the story…don’t bring a rock to a car fight.

Advertisements

1 Comment so far
Leave a comment

Haha. One of the funniest nights of all time. I would donate my other ACL to see another night like that. Definitely worth it. Good times. Great friends.

Comment by jerms




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



%d bloggers like this: